Slum Slut

And the same goes for masturbating. 

I remember what it was like being a high school senior.  All I cared about was getting out of school with a 2.5 GPA and a beating pulse.  I also wanted to have a great time with my friends before our paths departed and we embarked on the rest of our lives.

I’m no dummy, I know that my son and his friends are going to drink whether I like it or not.  He’s 18 now.  And if Uncle Sam can send my son to fight in some strange land then my son can enjoy a cool, refreshing brew with some of his buddies.  There’s simply no harm in that.  You know?  And he and his friends are going to drink I’d rather that they do it under my roof where I can watch them.  And that goes double for jerking off their hot young dicks.

If they’re going to do what kids their age do and drink alcohol then I want to be there to confiscate their car keys and monitor the amount they consume.  I also want to be there when they whip out their beautiful, cut cocks and work them up into an orgasmic frenzy. 

It’s important to be a responsible parent.  But I’m realistic.  I know that they’re going to drink.  That’s why I let them imbibe in my home; where I can breathlessly wait behind a self made double mirror praying to Jesus Christ, my lord and savior, that one of the boys drunkenly screams “BONER CONTEST!”.  And then out of inebriated, erotic confusion all the other boys agree, unsheathe their amazing weiners and commence with a sweaty, shameful circle jerk that ends with a string of explosions all over an unsuspecting English muffin.  The last boy to jizz would of course be the “piggy” and be forced to eat the soggy muffin while all the other boys chanted “PIGGY!  PIGGY!  PIGGY!”  As the piggy swallowed his semen soaked treat he would undoubtedly gag and cry as I softly climaxed in my hidden cove.

You may think my parenting style is a little unorthodox but one thing you can’t argue with is that I’m sane and realistic.

JIM’S DAD knocks on the front door of the fraternity.  DUMP TRUCK answers the door wearing a Hawaiian Shirt and 3-D glasses.

DUMP TRUCK

Duh, who are you?

JIM’S DAD

Hi there.  I’m here to talk to Stifler’s Nephew.  I’m the father of an old high school friend of Stifler’s.  So it makes perfect sense for me to be searching for his nephew on this college campus.

JIM’S DAD enters the frat house.  A pale stench of used condoms floats through the room.  The diseased miasma rages and pukes.  A mugwump slithers down the wall leaving behind a trail of slime, incandescent green.  Clem Snide the Talking Ass Hole is in a darkened corner, puffing on a fag, blowing smoke rings.  

Clem Snide

Come here to score some smack?

Said the Talking Ass Hole.  The Peruvian’s thick cock explodes and ejaculates a thick web of jism into the face of JIM’S DAD.  

  JIM’S DAD

This is an inappropriate yet comical situation!